How to Navigate Conflict at Work
By Roger Berry, Senior Program Director at Berry Coaching + Consulting
Often times we shy away, avoid or react with strong emotions when conflict arises in our life. We show a passive aggressive or aggressive response which can potentially deepen an issue and leaves little room for a desirable outcome. We wish for our differences with others to just magically evaporate into thin air at the snap of our fingers so we can merrily move on with our lives.
When we find ourselves at an impasse at home or in our social circles, we can more easily sweep things under the rug and pretend we are not bothered. However, it’s a different story when we are in direct conflict with a colleague, or even worse, a superior we interact with virtually 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, 52 weeks a year (minus paid time off, clearly). Then we feel like our job has irreversibly turned into Dante’s inferno.
Often times we are neither fully equipped to handle difficult conversations, nor have the tools to actively find a long-lasting and effective solution to workplace conflict. In reality though, we do have more power than we think to deal with conflict in a way that allows us to grow as professionals, and create a culture of understanding with our work peers. After all, conflict is natural, and should be expected to manifest itself when staff with different approaches and goals work together on a project or simply on day-to-day interactions.
A change in our attitude is essential to become skilled at managing conflict even before a situation deteriorates, thus lessening stress levels. Here’s a few things we can beginning implementing when dealing with conflict:
Acknowledge a conflict is brewing: How can we solve something we are not aware of? Be honest with yourself about your emotions and identify the areas /issues that need resolving. This is 50% of the work that needs to be done.
Talk directly with the person you are having the conflict with: Opening a line of communication is extremely important. Many of our own clients do not know where to begin, and are cautious to even bring it up lest ruffling some feathers. Find an appropriate place to have a calm conversation with the person(s) in question. It’s not out of the realm of possibility that they do not realize that something is off, and breaching the subject could potentially change their behavior.
Focus on the issue(s) at hand: Stay focused on what’s not working, as opposed to lumping many things together from the past simultaneously. Find a different time to talk about other issues, if necessary.
Avoid the blame game and listen carefully: When we listen and understand how others feel and what they have to say, they feel respected and are more willing to be receptive. Repeat back what they said to ensure you understood correctly and are on the same page.
Work on a joint action plan: Agree on how to move forward, and what needs to change and a timeline, as it helps with accountability and clarity. Check-in regularly to create a feedback loop and communicate how things may or may not be improving frequently.
If necessary, add a third party to the process: If the relationship has deteriorated considerably and it’s hard to get through to the other person, enlist the help of a neutral person. It helps to have someone with a fresh perspective mediate between those seeking a solution.
Conflict is inevitable as we cannot expected to agree with others all the time. However, when we approach conflict with an open attitude and growth mindset, we can learn many things from the process, our peers and their personalities. As opposed to being bogged down by conflict, we can turn it into a learning opportunity that can help us build trust and improve our personal and professional relationships.